From Too Many Chefs -

February 18, 2005
WEIRD Biblical food site

I'm not particularly religious, but I do respect those who are.

However, I'm not sure what to make of this site that uses cooking to teach Bible stories to children. In fact, I'm convinced this site is the work of that sinister (as in left-handed) deacon of delicacies, Ned Flanders. Imagine his voice when you read the recipes.

There's a note on a recipe for cookies made to simulate (shudder) candy corn - "I use these candy corn cookies in relation to the parable in Matthew 13:1-8 The sower and the seed." Really? Candy corn style cookies? Matthew? I would have thought it was more at home in Exodus with the Plagues of Egypt.

Jesus Walks on Water sounds kind of cute, if disturbing. ("Now, Timmy, bite off Jesus's head!");
Unleavened Bread and Tuna was probably inevitable for the miracle of the loaves and fishes;
Resurrection Cake is just freaky and more like a magic trick than a dessert;
And the Moses Parts the Red Sea Snack involving blue jello and Goldfish crackers slays me (I must be part of Pharoh's army).

I can't even talk about the Baby Jesus Haystacks recipe which ends, " Add a marshmallow to represent baby Jesus."

Oddly, there's no "Land of Milk and Honey" recipe or anything involving one of the most important foods in the Bible - wine. Where's your marsala now, myah?

The strangest entry goes to the "OBEY" donuts. I quote:

The donut represents the letter "O" in obey. Let them know every time they have a donut, they are reminded to OBEY!

Insert cops and donuts joke here...

Posted by Barrett in Maryland at February 18, 2005 4:19 PM | TrackBack

Quick aside here. Although wine is found in the bible, if one is looking to be historically correct then more should be made about beer.

back in the biblical days, wine was a drink for the upper class, where beer was teh drink of the poor. Jesus, who more than likley hung his hat with the Arameic good ol' boys, was probably a beer drinker.

Ironic then that the catholics use wine to represent his blood.

Posted by Kate on February 18, 2005 at 5:19 PM

Hey diddly ho! Did you notice that this post has resulted in a Google ad for The Ten Commandments on our site?

Thanks for finding this, Barrett - too funny!

Posted by Meg in Paris on February 19, 2005 at 6:22 AM

That site is spooky! The Oreo cookies representing separating the light from the darkness was my favorite part.

Why not separating the sheep from the goats?

Kids probably aren't ready for Revelations yet.

Posted by Barbara on February 19, 2005 at 8:02 AM

Is no one else disconcerted by the name He's Alive Buns?

Posted by Elsa on February 22, 2005 at 11:48 AM

Elsa - I guess its better than "Behold! His buns have risen!"

I was thinking some Mary Magdalene cheap tarts would make sense in this context.

Posted by barrett on February 22, 2005 at 2:09 PM

Oh too funny! Those baby Jesus haystacks did it for me. And I can just picture Ned with the blue jell-o 'parting of the sea'!

Posted by AugustusGloop on February 25, 2005 at 2:48 AM