From Too Many Chefs -

February 11, 2005
Food Section Digest (Too Damn Sexy Edition)

Hello baby. Are you feeling tense, feeling blue? Well it's a good thing it's Valentine's Day, baby and I'm here with you. Why don't you just slip into something a little more comfortable whle I put on a little music....

So you like the music? It's Barry White, naturally. My good friend Isaac Hayes has written a kidney-friendly cookbook in honor of Barry White. April Lisante at the Miami Herald clued me in to it.

What's that baby? You're hungry? Well I thought so. Oh, you mean you're really hungry? For food? Well, that's OK, baby. Arizona Central reprints a Raleigh News & Observer article about books that show the kitchen is replacing the bedroom as the place where seduction starts.

Have a drink while I head into the kitchen to whip us up some sensual victuals. I made this cocktail with some very sexy pink vodka. My man RJ Middleton at the Houston Chronicle let me in on the secret of Shakers Rose Flavored Vodka, perfect for Valentine's Day.

Now, baby, it's cold outside, but we can take the Chicago Sun-Times Beverley Levitt's suggestion and have a romantic indoor Valentine's picnic. I'll bring the hot sauce, you bring the sugar.

I thought we'd start with some oysters, naturally. The Chicago Tribune's Judy Hevrdejs - no, baby, I don't know how to pronounce it either - tuns us all on to the delightful varieties of oysters available even to us landlocked types this time of year and tells how to best enjoy the slick sluglike sexiness of of a Sailor Girl, a Fanny Bay, or even a Kumamoto.

Here you go baby, I made you some avocado slices with a little lime and chili powder. I've always found avocados to be sensual and I got some tips on avocados from Susan Selasky from the Free Press in the most romantic city in America - Detroit Michigan. It's like Gary, Indiana, but without all the distracting glitz and glamor. Yeah, I'll take you there someday.

What else am I cooking? I figured we'd have some pasta. What!? You don't eat pasta? What do you mean you don't eat pasta?! You don't need to watch your weight baby, I'll watch it for you. Well, I can always follow Ann Lovejoy's sugestions from the Seattle Post-Intelligencer and make you some pasta sauces for non-pasta eaters. Yeah, I thought you'd like the sound of that.

So what's for dessert? In the Chicago Tribune, Wolfgang Puck says a rich dark chocolate cake is the perfect end to a romantic dinner. But I don't know, baby, we don't want to weigh ourselves down too much, do we?

That's right. I have something really special for you. The Boston Globe turned me on the the South End's Flour Bakery + Cafe where they'll print your sexy message on a cookie. I got you this one- OW! Baby, why you gotta slap me like that? It was just a suggestion. OW! All right, all right, I don't even like your sister that much.

You know my passion gets me in trouble. Just like the passion Ed Bruske from the Washington Post discovered when he followed the reactions to one man's version of pho.

I've got a special surprise for you baby. I've been working on some secrets from the East. No, its not yoga, it's wok hay, that indefinable energy of the wok that Julia Moskin of the New York Times explores this week. I am not making it up! No, I'm not seeing Julia Moskin on the side. I'm not a dog like that New York Times's Steve Friedman who cooked up three romantic dinners for three different women and then told all. I'm not like that, baby. I'm cooking only for you.

So now that we've eaten, let's - uh where are you going, lover? I thought we were going to uh.. What do you mean you've got a reservation in the best restaurant in New York with that Michael Bloomberg? That heel won't let you smoke anywhere near there, baby, you know that don't you?

I had hoped we could get up early and head out to LeJeune's Bakery in Jeanrette, Louisiana. They get up at 3am to make their delicious baked goods and you can read all about it in the New Orleans Times-Picayune. Oh, I see. Well, If you change your mind...

Call me?

Posted by Barrett in Maryland at February 11, 2005 10:23 AM | TrackBack

hey baby, i need a cigarette after reading that one... and I don't even smoke!

Posted by cucina testa rossa on February 12, 2005 at 4:41 PM

Hi this is April Lisante, I am a food writer at the Philadelphia Daily News

Posted by april lisante on August 19, 2005 at 12:01 PM