September 20, 2005
Now THIS is useless

Found via BoingBoing.

Is your pizza too tough to cut with a fork? Are you too precious to just pick up the damn slice and bite into it? Then, my friend, this pizza slicer/fork is for you.

Yes, it's a fork with a little bitty pizza cutter on it.

Here's the description from the Miles Kimball website:

Pizza Fork and Cutter
Slice and eat with the same utensil! This time-saver cuts through pizza crust, forking up bites and delivering them right to your mouth! Great for other pancakes and waffles too. Stainless steel; dishwasher safe. 8 1/2"L x 2"W.

Well where to start? Does this device really save you any time? I suppose if you were the sort of person who switched from fork to pizza cutter to cut your pizza slice in little teeny bites before eating it might save you time but at what cost to your dignity?

And since when is a pizza a pancake or waffle? Read that sentence in the description - "Great for other pancakes and waffles too." A pizza is not a pancake! A gun is not a toy and a pizza is not a pancake! This might explain why people are looking at you funny when you pour maple syrup on your pepperoni slice.

Of course as a Chicagoan I have another objection to this instrument. Can you imagine sinking that little slicer thing into a big thick slice of Chicago-style pizza pie? It'd get stuck like a sportscar in a snowbank, and then, (if you're the sort who needs this device), you're likely to starve to death.

Most. Useless. Pizza fork/slicer. Ever.

Posted by Barrett in Maryland at September 20, 2005 7:25 AM | TrackBack Print-friendly version

That is too funny. But it has GOT to be a hoax. What people in their right minds would even produce such a stupid thing? Although... if it is inexpensive enough, I have this horrible urge to buy one as a joke.


Posted by ejm on September 20, 2005 at 3:05 PM

ejm - only $5.99 or two for $9.99. Cheap enough?

Posted by barrett on September 20, 2005 at 3:14 PM

That's pretty pathetic. Storage must be a breeze. It can't sit in with the other forks and it could very well cut someone's fanger if you store it in your "everything" drawer.

Oh, it's just making me madder by the moment. NOBODY HAS EVER USED A PIZZA CUTTER TO SLICE BITE SIZED PIECES !!!


Posted by Dr. Biggles on September 20, 2005 at 3:36 PM

That is hysterical! I could see a lot of dumb people buying those, though!

Posted by Beth - The Zen Foodist on September 20, 2005 at 5:17 PM

$5.99 or two for $9.99?!!? That's WAY too much for a skinflint like me.


Posted by ejm on September 20, 2005 at 5:22 PM

And even if you - gasp - had to cut a pizza slice on your plate, is a knife such a bad thing? This is a nutty invention. If indeed it is not a hoax!

Posted by Lu on September 20, 2005 at 7:41 PM

I see a horrible Optigrab-type class action lawsuit coming. Are you sure Steve Martin didn't invent this?

Posted by the pragmatic chef™ on September 20, 2005 at 8:23 PM

Oh man! +5 Funny to the Pragmatic Chef for the Optigrab reference.

"I know what you should call your dog, Mister!"

Posted by barrett on September 20, 2005 at 8:48 PM

"... delivering them right to your mouth!" How? I suppose you have to lift it yourself. And they completely gloss over the fact that after you do the slicing, you have to back the device up so the fork can pick up the piece.

Pffft. A real combination pizza wheel and fork would have the wheel ahead of the fork, and as you lifted the forked piece to your mouth, the fork would swivel to the side, enabling you to get to the pizza without slicing your mouth off with the wheel.

Posted by Bing on September 20, 2005 at 10:20 PM

Thanks Barrett, I'm blushin'...

Great blog. I bookmarked this before but I'll try to stop by more frequently.

Posted by the pragmatic chef™ on September 21, 2005 at 11:44 AM

Oooh!!! Bing, great idea. Now for that one with the swivel device, I WOULD pay $5.99!


Posted by ejm on September 21, 2005 at 5:45 PM

I blush to admit that just today I was wishing for such a device as I held my book in one hand and sawed ineffectually at my piece of pizza with the side of my fork in the other hand.

I think that people who read as they eat may find this little utensil pretty cool.

Posted by Rumblelizard on September 21, 2005 at 11:35 PM
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